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January 19, 2007:

Things I hate! Yay!

So my next big project (after the knitted Etta Vendetta show) is my HATE SCARF. It’s going to be a huge scarf with a long list of all the things and people I hate knitted into it. The end result will be a really, really long scarf, which means that my bitterness really will, quite literally, keep me warm at night. Hooray!

I think the seed of the idea came when Suzanne was helping me move. On our drive back, we were playing little car game. I think it started as things we liked, but it quickly devolved into a long and enthusiastic list of things we hated.

So for fun, I thought I’d start a list. Most are things that everyone hates, and several are redundant. The first two are things I’m finding particularly annoying right this moment.

(Before you go giving yourself the vapors, please remember this is for fun, like a slam book, not a list to plot my ardent and all-absorbing rage at the listed items.  It’s stuff that annoys me, not a personal indictment of your life. Several of the items are my own personal flaws, even. If the very notion of hate makes you all nervous and sweaty, consider it a list of Pet Peeves. Feel better?)

  1. People who mistake fashion for lifestyle
  2. People who mistake lifestyle for life
  3. Pretend food, except Diet Coke
  4. People under 65 who don’t recycle
  5. Reality television
  6. George W.
  7. Dick Cheney
  8. Donald Rumsfeld
  9. Carl Rove
  10. Tom DeLay
  11. Liars
  12. Thieves
  13. Republicans, as a group
  14. Oprah as a franchise
  15. Wal-mart
  16. Beauty products that cost more than a utility bill
  17. The paper strips from the back of the Label Baby labels
  18. HP’s customer service
  19. Using mixers (other than water, in moderation) with good whiskey or bourbon
  20. Sandra Bullock
  21. Lite beer
  22. Fancy beauty salons
  23. Teenagers, as a whole
  24. Strangers who say, Smile!
  25. People who take everyone’s name in vain
  26. Shitty tippers
  27. Lipstick that bleeds
  28. Cellulite (on me)
  29. People who think they’re my betters, when they’re not
  30. People who get hysterical about porn
  31. Feeling embarassed to be a Democrat
  32. Nay-sayers (which is pretty ironic, here)
  33. My own desire to please
  34. My fat ass
  35. Picky eaters
  36. Crybabies (except me)
  37. Blame-layers
  38. Whoever cancelled Firefly (and any other shows I loved)
  39. My utter failure to grasp time
  40. My sweet tooth
  41. Greed
  42. Jared from Subway
  43. June bugs
  44. Cockroaches
  45. Inappropriate refrigeration
  46. Excessive climate control (heat/AC)
  47. SUVs (and I drive one–it was free & I can’t afford a new car)
  48. Waste
  49. Powder blush
  50. Diet Nazis
  51. Swiffer
  52. The flood of anti-bacterial products
  53. Too many products generally
  54. The widely-accepted notion that it’s easier and cheaper to eat shitty convenience food that cook actual food
  55. Gluttony
  56. Fussing about what people I don’t actually respect think about me
  57. Children’s food
  58. Snobbery (except mine, which is limited and righteous)
  59. Closed SCRABBLE boards
  60. My vampiric sleep schedule
  61. Excess packaging
  62. People who have never left the U.S., but call it "the greatest country in the world"
  63. Fear of other skin colors and languages
  64. People who don’t signal
  65. People who continue to drive when they are no longer able-bodied
  66. Austinites who move downtown then grouse about the loud music
  67. The word "tat"
  68. Misusing the word "literally"
  69. People who are too cool for school
  70. Fakers and phonies
  71. Ooh! I just thought of one I can’t put on the list, but who will certainly be on the scarf. Yay, how fun!
  72. Counting carbs
  73. Celebrity worship
  74. Relying on pharmaceuticals without making lifestyle changes for health problems
  75. Judging people for use of antidepressants
  76. People who rook old people
  77. Pantyliners
  78. Disposable diapers
  79. Shrugging off responsibility for your fuckups after the age of, say, 15
  80. Keeping kids in diapers until they’re old enough to have reasonable conversations
  81. Ditto breastfeeding forever
  82. Anyone who is rotten to my parents (except and including me)
  83. People who don’t want to teach evolution. Are you kidding with that?
  84. Ditto sex ed
  85. People who think you’re not allowed to have an opinion about how fucked up today’s kids are unless you’re a breeder
  86. The smell of burning garbage
  87. Dannon yogurt
  88. Kiddie cereals, except Apple Jacks, Apple Jacks!
  89. Pre-packaged produce
  90. Equating annoying disorders with serious mental illness
  91. Pepsi

Please comment with your own ideas. Let’s share the hate!

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