March 28, 2006:
No sex, no supper–just Tupper, Tupper, Tupper.
Tonight I dragged out the 9 giant bags of miscellaneous surplus Tupperware I’ve been slowly been squirreling away since my days as a real live Tupperware Lady, with the intention of sorting it all out and selling all the pointless duplicates. (For instance, I’ve only gone through 4 bags so far, and I’ve got 8 Cereal Storers, 4 Super Cereal Storers, 4 Cake Takers and 2 Deviled Egg Takers, amongst myriad other translucent plastic bric-a-brac. This is on top of my personal use Tupperware.)
Though I’ve long since acquired virtually every piece I’ll ever need or want, I still crave and adore Tupperware. It’s such a glorious product: functional, reusable, guaranteed for life. It’s the only plastic that doesn’t make me vaguely angry or resentful. And it’s so nostalgic, so iconic, with names like Wonderlier, Shape-O, Square Rounds. I don’t get all wistful and misty looking at other plastic crap, but show me a little pink Kit Cup (”Midgets” in modern Tupperware lingo) or a red & white lunch kit or one of those aqua flip-top creamers, and my heart does a little flip. It’s always the first thing my eyes are drawn to at any garage sale or thrift store. I tried to look up some odds and ends on eBay to see if any of my treasures are worth anything (they’re not), and came very, very close to buying more, despite my already gloomy financial status.
So you can probably tell I haven’t made any progress sorting through the Tupperware.
Or, put another way: I’ve made tremendous progress! Because I’m going to create a Tupperware Museum! The official Tupperware Museum in Florida has closed down, so really, I’m actually filling a tremendous cultural void.
One of the benefits of living in an old high school building is being able to hoard all manner of crap and pretend you’re a museum. When I finally unpack, I’ll also be able to open my Souvenir Plastic Snow Dome Museum, my Electric Health & Beauty Appliances Museum, my Children’s Science Toy & Anatomy Model Museum, my Packaged Fish and Meat Museum, my Salt and Pepper Shaker Gallery (I’m a real novice compared to the nutjobs in this niche), my Buffy the Vampire Slayer Toy and Candy Museum, and my Figural Vegetable Dishes Museum. That’s off the top of my head. I’ve probably forgotten a few other incredibly important collections. I’ll have my very own little House on the Rock. You’ll have to pay a dollar just to walk through my door.
