October 5, 2003

My newest harebrained Life Plan is to plunge furiously into yoga, drop 20 pounds, become a stripper, and then write a brilliant book with all the hilarious/depressing/outrageous/soul-crushing stories I accumulate. As plans go, it is only slightly more practical than my previous Life Plan, to find a winning lotto ticket in the street and live off the riches.

Rebecca pointed out that I already have an abundant source of good stripper stories, but I'm convinced that they would be far more hilarious/depressing/outrageous/soul-crushing if I lived them myself.

My backup plan is for a billionaire to pay me piles of money to write his/her memoirs, which they would hopefully dictate from somewhere like St. Tropez.

My clever new plan, like many of the brilliant yet unrealized plans before it, sprung from my freshly vacation-cleared mind. I just got back from a dandy vacation with Kristi. It was our best mother/daughter vacation yet. Aside from a few nights of excessive drinking and the accompanying headaches and remorse, and aside from the nearly 10 pounds that I somehow packed onto my already fat ass, there was absolutely no downside. It was completely fabulous. (But there will be much crash dieting to get me into my first ever bridesmaid dress.)

Last night, I was a very happy 3rd or 5th (depending on how you look at it) wheel at Laugh out Proud (delightful!) and an embarrassingly envious guest at Gilbert and Danny's infuriatingly lovely home. Then Brian came and got me and we went to Kumbala's bar, which I liked. We sat with Noah and a charming woman with a very nice handbag whose name I can't remember (the woman, not the handbag; I never learned whether the handbag had a name) and drank a Guinness. On the way home, Brian told me I was one of only two good girl friends he's had who he hasn't slept with, and I felt oddly proud and glad that I never hit on him aggressively those many years ago, back when I'd had a crush on him. Not that he would have slept with me on purpose--but men that age are pretty easy to wear down. Anyway, I'm glad I left it at a crush. I like Brian an awful lot, but I'm pretty confident I wouldn't find him so pleasing now if I had slept with him.

In two seconds I'm on my way to Angele's bridal shower. I stink at directions, so although they seem awfully simple, I'll no doubt get lost and show up hours late.

09.09.03