August 16, 2003

Last night, I was a double lame-o donkey dick and I'm wishing I could pop into my time machine and end the night graciously instead of sulking and pouting and demanding fun, as I so often do with the drinky. Historically, when I've pulled that stunt, Rebecca's been around to apologize on my behalf and drag me away before I get out of hand, but last night I was on my own. And sadly, I have neither a time machine nor my superhero power of choice, memory control and manipulation.

Mem-O (my superhero name) doesn't need a time machine, because she can change everyone's recollection of events to suit her fancy. Ah, Mem-O. Why can't I be you?

Jebus Christmascake. Is this any way for a grown woman to act? Fantasizing about really stupid and self-serving superhero powers? I suck.

Sometimes I don't like me very much. This is what I get for busting my detox.

I need to do something wonderful and wildly productive today. I need to build a monument in my back yard or borrow a ladder and climb up on my roof and see why it's leaking or make a slipcover for the couch or paint over that stupid thing in my bathroom or at least get dressed and clean the house. I need to make amends. First I'll make amends to the gods of Acting My Age and then I'll make amends to the gods of Getting Off My Fat Ass and Doing Something for a Change, and then I'll make amends to my liver. My poor, weary liver.

Dammit, I forgot to close out my tab and get my card back. I do that about every other time I run a tab. When you run a tab, they should give you a length of 2 x 4 with TAB carved into it, like a middle school bathroom pass. Maybe I should make myself one of those wooden signs they would hang around your neck in olden times as a badge of shame for your sins. No, too bulky. Maybe I'll just write myself a note before I go out and wrap it around my credit card, then when I run a tab, I could pin it to my shirt. "Please remind Nikol to close her tab and get her card before she leaves the bar."

Ah, just got email absolution for my unfortunate behavior from my friend Cameron. I feel much better now.

But I'm still grounded. I need to do my penance. Otherwise, how will I ever learn my lesson?

8.13.03